She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
