we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
