i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
