Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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