im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
