Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
