I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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