i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I didn't notice because vodka
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
