WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
People in love make me want to vomit
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
