i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
