I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
