he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
