hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
accomplished twins. life is a go
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
