hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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