But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
