so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
