He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
i need to put some appletini on your dick
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
