We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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