i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
