Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
My liver is preforming stress tests.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
