I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
