my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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