Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
