They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
