I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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