no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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