no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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