I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
