how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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