just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
