Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
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