DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
