True but thats because hes a fetus.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
