i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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