he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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