i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
