I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
