Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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