How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
