??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
