He is such a slut. More and more my type.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
