So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
