quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
zippers are such a cool invention
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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