i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
