Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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