Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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