even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
