i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
