bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
