haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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