lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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